A hush came over the crowd…

…and between the dachshund, the waiter’s vibrating cell phone, and Alice’s affinity for champagne, they were never able to get reservations there again. Of course, as far as karaoke bars go, it just wasn’t that big of a deal but it wasn’t something that they soon forgot.

Oh…hey there…glad you could make it back. Has it been a week already? Wow. Man…I’ve just been killing time while waiting for tonight’s meeting of the league of Misfits—I mean the Misfits Summer League. You know, seeing as I’ve not even been in All Star since the banquet, you may be wasting your time if you’ve come here looking for an update about the place.

Instead, perhaps I can interest you in some news to which I became privy only recently. It has come to my attention, having had the diamond adorned finger of an ebullient young lady thrust in my face, that Corey Coombe of the Lucky Strikers has asked teammate and charming self-photographer Dawn Eifling for her hand in marriage. Dawn enthusiastically answered in the affirmative. Having personally seen the engagement ring on a sunny day in the Silverdale Albertson’s parking lot, I can now safely state that the reason for Corey’s many missed evenings of bowling were because he needed the overtime. They have tentatively scheduled their nuptials for May of 2009 primarily—and this is assumption on my part—so as not to miss any of next season’s bowling schedule. Congratulations to you both! MJ & I wish you the best in the years to come with the possible exception of Wednesday nights if you’re competing against us.

Now I know that some of you may be looking forward to seeing exactly how bad my bowling gets after a four-week layoff, but I’m afraid that I’ll not be bowling this evening—nor for the next several weeks—no matter the outcome of the Misfits league meeting. Yesterday, I underwent a surgical procedure to remove a benign mass from my left breast and as a result, I don’t feel particularly up to tossing a manly 16-pound ball with my typical masculine grace while wearing my usual testosterone-filled game face. Wait…methinks he doth protest too much.

Although I may poke fun at the situation in which I find myself, I do not wish to demean the procedure that is a mastectomy nor the impact that it has on the lives of others—particularly women. It is a serious topic and you can find all sorts of information at your doctor’s office, Harrison Medical Center, or even the Internet. It is just not as serious in my case because, thankfully, I do not have cancer and societal pressure does not attach a superficial value to my having breasts. Instead, society would rather that I have the six-pack abs that I traded in for my current pony-keg abs. Oh well…c’est la vie.

In the meantime, I hope that you are all doing well and that you’re prepared for our pending mini-heat wave. If you see Corey or Dawn during your travels, wish them well. Above all, everyone…stay safe. I’ll be typing again next week and should have some sort of bowling news by then.

What? You're still at at?

The final portion of our league season—the banquet—is over and with its end we sever the thread that held us together for the past 35 weeks…or so you thought. Here it is, one short week later, and what are you doing? You’re reading the Stars and Strikers blog, looking forward to next season at All Star Lanes instead of concentrating on your work, your kids, or your breakdown. Thoughts of lazing about bikini-clad on a sun-drenched beach (please Mr. Marin, no…) and balmy beer-drenched backyard barbeques fill you with regret because you realize that…well…it’s just not quite as intellectually, emotionally, or physically fulfilling as a Fall night of bowling. Mmm…you just have to love the warm fuzzies that you get after a well-earned double.

Seriously folks…back here on planet Earth the Fall Leagues are over and the Summer Leagues are preparing for their season. You, on the other hand, are looking forward to some time off from the game of tenpins and the pleasant summer weather for which the Pacific Northwest would be known if it only truly existed. I can hardly fault you for that. If it weren’t for the fact that my joints would lock up like so much brick and mortar without some sort of exercise I, too, would rest and recreate during the warmer months. But taking the summer off doesn’t mean you have to be ignorant of the goings on at All Star Lanes. I will endeavor to update this blog on a weekly basis to keep you informed regarding the planned upgrades to All Star Lanes, my results on the lanes as a member of the Misfits, or to rant about the rising cost of deodorant. If you’ve ever bowled a Summer League at All Star Lanes, you’ll understand why that would be of concern.

Now, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that was able to participate in last week’s gathering and making it the relaxed function that it was. Even though the available space was limited and the temperature was a little more than comfortable, the food and the company made it more than worthwhile. For those of you that were unable to attend the event, you missed an overall good time. Of particular note—and something that makes me particularly proud to be a member of this league—was the presentation of a check for $1,000 to Sue Stayrook and Shawn Beck on behalf of their daughter Emilee who is in need of expensive cardio-pulmonary surgery. We raised this amount in one evening of lane-to-lane visits and it demonstrates the compassion that exists within our league. Also, it helps if you go around hitting everyone up for cash after they’ve had a game in which to toss back a few.

Anyways…back to the banquet. Prior to loading up our plates with all sorts of goodies, we—Sandy, your humble Secretary/Treasurer, and I—handed out prizes. We started with League Champions Reid Real Estate and runners-up WE-R-JJBP as well as Lucky Strikers, the last place finishers. Reid Real Estate cashed in again by rolling the high team series with handicap while Droogs shot the high team game with handicap. The league’s highest average awards went to Andy Ketter (219) and Sue Stayrook (170) as Karena Weathersby and Greg Sherman both earned the mantle of most improved bowler with a 12-pin increase in average.

Oh, yeah…before I continue listing those that earned prizes, I feel that I must inform those of you that didn’t make it to the pre-banquet meeting of what can only be deemed an ominous indication of our league’s future. Upon my opening the floor to nominations for league officers, Gary Velmire moved to re-elect the current roster of officers for another term, which was resoundingly seconded by a chorus of attendees. Now, in all fairness, I tried to slow things down and explained that nobody would be offended if change was desired but no one would have it. After a brief discussion, it was determined that there would be no more nominations forthcoming so a vote—such as it was—was held and the slate of officers were re-elected unanimously…well, almost. MJ’s and Ray’s opposition was duly noted and appreciated. Don’t worry. I’m quite aware that it’s not my determination to lead us out of this recession or promise to lower the price of fuel at the pumps that led to my re-election…it is simply that no one else wants the job and everyone wanted to end the meeting at the earliest opportunity. So be it. I shall continue to build my cult of personality with this blog and we’ll wait for the mothership to land in the parking lot. It should be here as soon as the weather gets hot. Oh, damn.

But, I digress…our high series handicap winners were Bill Brown (878) and MJ Jordan (811) while Teena Page (298) and Roy Covey (317) achieved high game handicap. Scratch winners for high series were Aaron Austin (754) and Shirley VanRuth (609) and high game honors went to Tressie Pommier (243) and Blogger O’Doom (289).

Hmm…I just went back and checked another “honor” that is not often reported, but—in the interest of fairness—ought to be. We have many bowlers in this league that didn’t win an individual award and might be feeling slighted that their achievement was only recognized with a brief mention in this silly blog. Well, let me remind you of the double-edged sword that is the Stars and Strikers blog. We recognize the good. On occasion, we poke fun at the bad if it is an example of sportsmanship or effort. We haven’t listed the worst. The people that I listed in the previous couple of paragraphs may indeed be good bowlers…but they’re not good all of the time. Just as I listed the bowlers that exceeded their average by the most pins each week, the ability to list the worst bowler each week also laid, unused, at my fingertips—until now. This serves to illustrate that with reaching great heights one has to risk falling on one’s keister. In no particular order and for whatever reason the following people were only some of the 33 worst bowlers of the week at one time or another. They were Gary Chamberlin, Greg Sherman, Andy Jordan, MJ Jordan (I'm so proud), Bill Brown, Andy Ketter, Aaron Austin, Seth Franklin (an up-and-comer), and Tressie Pommier. Good bowlers…good sports…good gracious.

So don’t waste your summer thinking that bowling well is an everyday experience. Bowling well is earned by using those coupons for free games that Jim Monahan and All Star Lanes were kind enough to provide and the discounted summer rates that are offered. Go ahead on one of the less sunny days and roll a couple of games and practice on whatever you consider the weakest part of your game. I will. I’ll be attempting to learn the “Air Steward’s creed” of bowling, i.e. “please return…to the upright position.”

Have a fun summer, stay safe, and I’ll write at ya next week. In the mean time, remember…to know me is to earn a seat on the mothership.

Roger…over and out!

Our final session of the season has concluded and with it, the mad scramble to lay claim to various portions of the league’s bank account. Strikes, spares, and splits—not to mention scores—have been tallied and payment awaits the lucky, the unlucky, and the skilled alike. For what it’s worth, I feel that this season has been a blast and I’m sorry to see it draw to a close—especially since the only mark I’ve made has been an impression of my countenance in one of the approaches, a souvenir of my unfailing grace. However, the roll-offs have been bowled and a champion determined.

The members of team Reid Real Estate are the 2007-08 League Champions of the Stars and Strikers after their victory—albeit by a nail-bitingly narrow 19 pins—over a very plucky WE-R-JJBP. I congratulate all of the finalists, Bev Phillips, Jay Vaifanua, Jon Waite, Phil Eng, Ele and Jim Roberts, and Shirley and Joe VanRuth for a competitive match—two if you count their initial roll-off after drawing in the second round—and a thrilling conclusion to the season. After six games in these two different matches a mere 24 total pins separated them. I sense the seeds of a rivalry beginning to develop.

Also developing are the games of the following bowlers.

Women’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
Bev Phillips 184/519 +26…shows us what she’s capable of when the mood strikes…as does she.
Mary McKenzie 170/490 +22…finishes on a miniature hot streak.
(1) Shirley VanRuth 204/563 +19…if it were not for that middle game…
(3) Kelly Mollison 188/525 +17…will get her average up into the 160s next season.
Kristi Elkind 145/365 +15…will impress herself with next season’s improvement.
Jen Lintz 136/378 +15…is having just too much fun!
Denise Hike 167/479 +15…finishes on a hot streak and looks to average over 150 next season.
(2) MJ Jordan 186/526 +14…remembered during the last several weeks that the arm must “swing like a pendulum do.”

Men’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
Dave Harter 222/630 +49…January 25 of 2006 was the last time Dave hit the big 6-0-0 and this has been long overdue!
(2) Gary Chamberlin 229/652 +22…finishes his best season of the last several on a high note.
Bob Spencer 189/512 +19…improves dramatically over last season and shoots one of his better sets.
Jim Roberts 224/604 +17…besides rolling a pair of 190s, he betters last couple of seasons’ averages by about 20 pins!
(3) Jim Irish 247/632 +14…has an enviable “Fun Night” with more to come.
(1) Andy Ketter 236/677 +6…used to pull the wings off of flies for fun but now enjoys beating the crap out of the rest of us “bowlers.” Tossed a couple of 236s—has yet to get a triplicate…but had his best season (average-wise) for as far back as I can check. Well done!

Honor Roll
Besides the above-mentioned Mr. Roberts and Mr. Ketter, a couple of other gentlemen—I use the term loosely—also attempted to earn the triplicate patch on the final night. They are Larry Garchow who rolled a “magnificent” pair of 136s after having begun the evening with a 174 and Bob Marin whose less-than-stellar couple of 153s were followed by a 174 game. Oh well, at least they tried…and I thank them for being good sports and continually brightening the day of those that bowl next to them.

Now, this is the part where I’d normally list the bowlers that had nights of the “personal best” sort but, because it was “Fun Night” and the resulting games aren’t part of your official records, I’ll forego such. Instead, we’ll promote the Honorable Mention bunch beginning with those who rolled games that draw as much attention as a splinter on the tip of an index finger. They are Dick Noonan (192), Gary Brooks (194), and Bill Brown and Larry Lintz (196). Rolling games that aggravate as much as a paper cut in the web between thumb and forefinger are Lon Matthews and Marshall Monroe (204), Roy Covey (206), Tony Kilbane (212), Jon Waite (214), Jay Vaifanua (215), Joe VanRuth (217), Glenn Miyamoto (221), Seth Franklin (222), and George Horne (231). Finally, shooting the kind of set that nags at you like a hammer blow to the thumb was Aaron Austin (213/614), the only six-shooter that didn’t make it onto the Men’s Elite list. Congratulations to you all.

Honorable Mention
So…who does that leave for an Honorable Mention? How ‘bout you? All of you. It is you, after all, that is the “Stars and Strikers.” You are the reason—forget that thing about me liking to see my name in print—that this league and this blog exist. I am of the opinion that the league experience should consist of more than just showing up once a week to plunk down your cash, roll a couple of balls, and have a couple of drinks. I mean, it’s okay if that’s what you want to do but that can be accomplished by playing pinball in a bar. Hmm…do they still make pinball machines? What it boils down to is this: I thank each and every one of you for sharing your Wednesday nights with MJ and myself. Thank you very much. Whew…I’m glad that’s done…it was almost maudlin.

And now for some news. Next season, besides learning to use new scorers and seeing some remodeling and upgrading of equipment, we will be paying for such with a fifty-cent increase per 3-game set. How best to absorb the rate increase is a matter that you might want to consider prior to next season’s first league meeting. Should there be less money in the prize fund or should we increase our fees? These are just two possible solutions, but you get the idea.

I hope that you’ve all enjoyed success since our last meeting and that your summer—when, and if, it comes—is safe and spectacular. I’ll see you all tonight.

And now, I close the 2007-08 blog season with this thought: Andy Jordan, Andy Jordan, Andy Jordan, Andy Jordan, Andy Jordan, Andy Jordan, Andy Jordan.

Snow what I mean?

At last! We’ve bowled every Wednesday night for the past thirty-three weeks and have completed our full schedule with the exception of “Fun Night.” We’ve each had our ups and downs, our good nights and bad, our victories and defeats. We have enjoyed each other’s company and tolerated each other’s faults. We’ve celebrated each other’s accomplishments and sympathized with each other’s failures. And now, by my calculations, I figure that we’re easing into late April. So…what am I doing at this particular point in time? Well let me tell you. I’m watching the freakin’ snow freakin’ falling in my freakin’ back yard, that’s what I’m freakin’ doing! My apologies, Dick. Your weather guy was right and mine either had an outdated Farmer’s Almanac or had mistaken the Iberian Peninsula for the Kitsap Peninsula.

Now we’re left with snow on the ground, misdirected birds in the trees, and a little cash in our coffers. The birds think that they’re only halfway through their migration while we realize that our season is coming to an end. The times, they are a-changin’. All right, then. This coming Wednesday—as opposed to all of the previous Wednesdays—is “Fun Night.” It’s time for everyone to untwist their knickers, let their hair down, and have a good time…everyone, that is, except We-R-JJBP and Reid Real Estate. They will be doing battle for the honor, glory, and title of “Champions” of the Stars and Strikers…not to mention the accompanying remuneration. Oh…okay. You two teams can have fun, too. Good luck to both teams as you’ve earned your opportunity.

And speaking of fun, check out the kind of night these folks had…

Women’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
(1) Shirley VanRuth 225/609 +36…waited for the final night of play to roll both her high game and high series of the season…I think the wine was fortified.
Mary McKenzie 176/495 +25…felt that shooting her high series of the season would make for a grand finale!
Denise Hike 181/489 +20…finally sailed out of the doldrums.
Denise Bounds 167/476 +18…was bound to have another good night sooner or later.
(2) MJ Jordan 195/501 +7…finishes the season on a high note.
(2) Debbie Horne 188/501 –2…didn’t have her best outing of the season—but maintained respectability.
(2) Karena Weathersby 181/501 -3…left us with this set as a parting gift.

Men’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
Seth Franklin 237/665 +39…saved his best for last. Rolled his highest game and series of the season as an “I told ya so!”
Richard Camper 236/656 +36…finishes the season just as he started it…strong.
Bill Lucas 245/597 +33…shot his best set since rolling a 599 in March of ’07. Bona fide bravado, yet the 600 series eludes him still.
(2) Joe VanRuth 237/673 +20…yep—fortified wine. Oh yeah…talent, too.
(1) Andy Ketter 255/712 +18…used the last night to rake in the cash from the All Star jackpot.
(3) Aaron Austin 254/668 +9…is starting to have a positive influence on Kevin.

Honor Roll
We had a little triplicate tempting hoopla on the final night of competition provided by Theresa Beers’ pair of 170s. They were, unfortunately, preceded by a warm-up 151. Next to try and topple the “trip” was Jen Wright and her two 124s. Those were the games that bookended the 120 that was a mere four-pins shy of success. The closest of all on this night, however, was Scott Jennings who, with dual 139s already on the recap sheet and 123 and a spare in the ninth frame, needed any combination of six pins in the tenth frame to achieve Stars and Strikers immortality. After tossing a lead-off gutter duster he needed 6 pins on his final ball. He knocked over 5 of them and is, as of this writing, still mortal. It was a damned fine effort, though. Our final hotshot of the evening is Kevin Richards (266/601). Since his return from San Diego—excusing his first week back on the lanes—the man has been averaging a 17-pins-better-than-when-he-left 192 that led to this evening’s 266 game. This is Kevin’s best game for as far back as I can check and indicates that he’s preparing to make his mark next season. Kudos and good shooting to all of you!

Honorable Mention
So here we are…left with a list of folks who rolled games that attract the same kind of attention as “Um, excuse me, you’ve got something on the corner of your mouth. No, the other side.” They are Jim Roberts (190), Dick Noonan (191), Tressie Pommier (194), Harold Buttlar (195), and Corey Coombe and Roy Covey with 199s. Garnering the notoriety equivalent to having spinach in their teeth are George Horne and Jay Vaifanua (204), Glenn Miyamoto (209), Greg Sherman (213), Phil Eng (215), and Marshall Monroe (223). Finally, drawing the stares of disbelief commonly reserved for someone losing their dinner into the lap of a foreign dignitary are Andy Jordan (215/605), Larry Garchow (235/605), Gary Chamberlin (246/619), Tony Kilbane (232/622), and Milt Meeds (235/656). Nice shooting, y’all.

So…this is it…the culmination of all of your hard work that started in September. It is time, not for reflection, but for anticipation…for making your mark in the world. Put away your yearbooks. Forget the pettiness of what has been and prepare yourselves for the challenges of tomorrow. It is time to forego childish things; to pack the memories of football victories and Prom Night romances into the…wait just one stupid minute…what the hell is going on? Uh…we now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Our banquet, such as it is, is scheduled for 6:30 p.m. on the evening of the 30^th of April. It will be here at All Star Lanes and will be preceded by the election of next season’s officers. We shall be enjoying a potluck of appetizers both sweet and savory along with the services of a waitress provided by the house. Prizes will be awarded, cash divvied out, and idle chatter will prevail. And then it’ll be all over…sniff…until next season!

I hope that you’ve had a great week (just ignore the unseasonable snow) and that it gets even better. Stay safe and I’ll see you all on Wednesday.

Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome.

Thirty-two weeks have passed since our first meeting with tonight’s contests finalizing the pre-playoff standings. As you may have deduced, Reid Real Estate and We R JJBP will rolloff for the league championship next week. This will be their second meeting in a rolloff as they tied for first in the second third of the season. Had We R JJBP not eked out a 5-pin victory during that contest, Reid Real Estate would already be the undisputed champions. As it is, however, I feel that We R JJBP will have to beat long odds to duplicate that feat once again.

So…what did you do with your free time since we last met? MJ and I enjoyed a day out in Seattle with tickets to Cabaret—as if you couldn’t tell—and dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. It was a refreshing change of pace from the daily grind of…um…not being in Seattle, I guess. The following people enjoyed a change of pace from average bowling to superhuman “in-your-face” tenpins.

Women’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
(1) Ele Roberts 202/563 +22…wanted to be “Queen of the Hill” just once before the season ended.
(2) Kay Currier 210/544 +20…proves once again that she can beat her average to a pulp.
Leslie Peterson 191/448 +19…is getting consistently better. This is Leslie’s highest game as a member of the Stars and Strikers!
Tressie Pommier 224/526 +13…may have to sit out during the odd week here and there, but makes up for it when she comes back.
Theresa Beers 171/499 +13…falls just one pin shy of the 500—as if she didn’t know!
(3) Sue Stayrook 184/530 +6…had a fairly consistent set with no breakout big scores.

Men’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
Gary Velmire 232/637 +36…rolled his best series since a 673 during March of last season. What the heck?
Seth Franklin 222/636 +32…rolled his best series as a member of the Stars and Strikers. What the heck?
Bob Marin 208/585 +29…rolled his best series as far back as our records can be verified. What the heck?
(1) Joe VanRuth 245/697 +29…finished 3 pins shy of hitting his third 700 set of the season.
(3) George Horne 267/654 +23…rolled his highest game as far back as our records can be verified. What the heck?
(2) Andy Ketter 247/662 +1…is getting back in the groove after finishing in fourth place during the recent Swiss Trios KSBO tournament.

Honor Roll
Before I get on to the more traditional entries of the Honor Roll, I must give a left-handed salute to Paul Kelly for competing so shortly after surgery on his right shoulder. In order that he not miss a week of our madcap kind of fun, Paul (134/370) actually established a separate, but unequal, left-handed average of 111. Talk about commitment! Well done, Paul. This shows to what lengths some people will go to get a mention here! Other feats that warrant a mention are Shirley Noonan’s two 162s as well as Debbie Horne’s pair of 166s—Shirley missed the triplicate due to a missed spare while Debbie was so proud of George’s game (267) that she didn’t give a rat’s patootie what she shot. Admirable. Meanwhile, Sheri Simpson (143) and James Emmett (191) figured that tonight was as good as any to bowl their highest games of the season and did so with aplomb. Well done to all of you!

Honorable Mention
Craving the sort of attention that can only be provided via a swarm of hungry mosquitoes or this misused blog of mass destruction are Susan Brooks and Jay Vaifanua (190), Bill Lear (191), and Karena Weathersby (199). Shooting scores that are the equivalent of speaking out of turn in class are Phil Eng and Dave Harter (201), Jeremy Canfield (202), Gary Chamberlin and Milt Meeds (207), Jon Waite (208), Glenn Miyamoto (210), Bill Brown (214), Kevin Richards (215), Lon Matthews (222), Tony Kilbane (223), and Dave Bachtel (234). Finally, rolling sets that are comparable to appearing naked in front of class are Andy Jordan (209/610), Aaron Austin (245/619), Jim Roberts (234/620), and Roy Covey (234/635). Congratulation, folks!

I must apologize, as I am dreadfully behind schedule and this entry is later than is usual…by about 20 minutes. As it turns out, I have undertaken to assist the Kitsap Humane Society with the design of their 2009 calendar which means two things; I’ll not have as much time to devote to this column which will probably result in a more cohesive and comprehensible entry and secondly, I will expect you to purchase said calendars from me when they become available. So there.

I hope that you’ve all had a good week so far and that you’ll all just blow the doors off of All Star Lanes tonight. There’s nothing like going out with a bang!

Until I see you tonight, stay safe and drive carefully.

No hanging chads.

Hey there! Another day, another column. This week sees us with just three weeks left in the season and we all know what that means…no subs for the remaining weeks. This is by league rule that was enacted so that nobody is tempted to bring in a “ringer.” You know what a “ringer” is, right? It’s also known as muscle, a hit man, or a gun for hire. I only mention it because Gary “VP” Chamberlin and I were discussing the ramifications of said muscle several weeks ago during a meeting of our respective teams.

We were concerned—okay, maybe it was just me—because…well, there we were, president and vice-president of the Stars and Strikers bowling on the same pair. It was the kegling capo di tutti capi competing without benefit of bodyguards or even a modest security detail. What if there was some sort of ball-return “malfunction” that was to disable both of us? Or maybe a hit-for-hire by a disgruntled house employee or ambitious league member? Granted: MJ would undoubtedly terminate the assassin with extreme prejudice and perhaps just a degree of gratitude, but after all was said and done the league would be rudderless. Executive power would reside in the hands of either an over-worked Secretary/Treasurer counting the days until summer or an untested Sergeant-at-Arms who is so darn jovial as to make me seem to be curmudgeonly. One shudders at the possibilities.

Then again, I get that same feeling when thinking of the kind of night these Stars and Strikers had.

Women’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
Patricia Matthews (173/501) +26…makes a showing once again.
(1) Karena Weathersby (210/580) +24…envisions going out with a bang.
Kristi Elkind (147/375) +20…sometimes she bowls like a nut, sometimes she don’t!
Linda Hilton (172/441) +20…is really starting to improve her game.
(2) Shirley VanRuth (203/538) +13…is maintaining course—full speed ahead!
(3) Ele Roberts (201/517) +7…rolls just enough to keep everyone on their toes.

Men’s Elite
(leading numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position while the +/- number is the amount of pins over the bowlers’ average for the evening)
Joe Acosta (208/531) +30…shoots his highest series since joining!
Scott Elkind (195/551) +27…isn’t about to be showed up by Kristi.
(1) Andy Ketter (287/732) +26…slumpin’ jack flash is back on track!
Gary Velmire (212/599) +24…what the—just one pin shy…again.
(2) Bill Brown (246/674) +24…started with a bang—finishing with a bang.
(3) Joe VanRuth (236/673) +22…rolled duplicate 236s having shot a 299 at Bangor the night before! We’ll not mention the paltry 201.

Honor Roll
This week’s results saw a definite ramping up of the league’s efforts. Following Joe VanRuth’s afterthought of an attempt at a triplicate, Glenn Miyamoto figured to give it the good ol’ college try with a pair of 185s. He fell just a tad shy. We’ll not get in to details. Beth Bachtel issued a siren song of a 180—her best game this season—to give Dave something to beat when he gets back onto the lanes while Mena Blowney (201/495) decided that this week was as good as any to roll her highest set. Well bowled, all.

Honorable Mention
My little discourse about the minimal amount of 600 series last week has apparently prompted an increased release of testosterone into certain bowling arms. Guys like Bob Barnes (191), Phil Eng (192), Jon Waite (195), Ralph Cummins (196), Roy Covey (201), Jay Vaifanua (203), Milt Meeds (210), Lon Matthews (212), Kevin “Birthday Boy” Richards (220), Jim Roberts (257), Dick Noonan (203/595), Wes “sub” Stewart (234/597), Greg Sherman (242/597), Aaron Austin (212/604), George Horne (216/605), Marshall Monroe (227/616), and the exalted and exhausted Blogger O’Doom (234/672). So where are the ladies on this list? I figure that they’re patiently waiting as the guys over-exert themselves after which they’ll pounce—beating us to within an inch of giving up the game for good!

Now…would all of these bowlers have been so successful if they were worrying about the extermination of the executive branch of the league or perhaps the political and personal ramifications of forming a fiscal alliance with a company selling suppositories? I like to think not…it helps me sleep at night. Which brings me to make this point…election of League Officers will be our first order of business at the banquet so start considering any changes that you might like to see. As for myself, I’ve enjoyed my time in office. I would not be offended if you’d like to see some “fresh blood” in office. Nor, I surmise, would Gary or Bill. On the other hand, Sandy is saving up her fees to purchase a time-share in Disneyland, so that might be a different story. Just give it some thought.

I hope that you’ve all had a great and safe week…and don’t worry about a thing—Spring has not been cancelled, just delayed. I’ll see you all tonight and leave you with but one question: Wherefore art thy deuces, SurferDude?

NUTS!

Thank you, team captains, for your understanding of our banquet dilemma and quick resolution of the situation. Because of your quick thinking and practical problem-solving skills, our banquet will be less of a banquet and more of a potluck-type cocktail (provided by yourself, of course) hour—and then some. We anticipate antipasto, canapés, hors d’œuvres, finger-foods and other delectable comestibles as prepared by one and all. Unfortunately, you’ll also have to tolerate the monotonous drone of your League President as he recites the litany of winners and the delightful dance-steps of our Secretary/Treasurer as she maneuvers through the room delivering the cash.

Now, before I get too far along here, I must offer up my apologies as I’ve been ill this week and not had the time (okay, then—the inclination) to prepare my usual column filled with witticisms and acute observations of the prior week’s happenings on the lanes. I am feeling better, however, and fully expect to live down to my well-established reputation next week. I am confident that you can survive for one week without my off-kilter humor, abysmal punctuation, and bad grammar and I thank you for your patience.

‘Fess up…this is what you’re really here for isn’t it?

Women’s Elite
(numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position)
Denise Bounds (194/520) +35…shows those BIG BOYS what BIG D can do when she sets her mind to it!
(1) Shirley VanRuth (207/599) +34…chose this week to roll her high set in this league and yet left herself the 600 to shoot for!
Linda Hilton (162/470) +30…had yet another good week.
Leslie Peterson (176/478) +30…felt that this was a good week to bowl both her high game and series as far back as records go! Judging by her demeanor, this may have been Leslie’s best night (of bowling) ever!
Cherrie Chamberlin (186/514) +30…rolled her best series since Jan ’06.
(2) Karena Weathersby (203/558) +18…had yet another solid outing.
(3) Debbie Horne (203/555) +16…rolled her best series since Jan ’07.

Men’s Elite
(numbers in parentheses indicate “Top Bowler” position)
(1) Blogger O’Doom (237/689) +20…followed shortly thereafter by…well…he didn’t feel well.
Richard Slade (205/533) +19…another night of living up to his potential.
Jon Waite (213/577) +19…will end up averaging this high, eventually!
Kevin Richards (226/584) +19…shot what should be more often.
Gary Maynard (180/530) +17…rolled his best series in his Stars and Strikers career!
(2) Andy Ketter (244/649) -2…the train gets back on the right track!
(3) Joe VanRuth (236/603) -1…just a wee breather before he starts to kick butt!

Honor Roll
I was beginning to think that everyone was letting up just a little because of the extended winter weather, the season winding down, and the rumor that we were going to start random testing for performance enhancing drugs. I was wrong. Dana Schroedel tried for the triplicate with a pair of 117s while Janet Ouellet’s two 157s also fell short of the mark. With her best score since last season’s final night, Marsha Richards rolled a nice 163! Phil Eng (224) shot his best game of the season as did Bob Marin (236) whose previous high was in March of last year. Getting better and better, Toni Cummins (415) and Shirley Noonan (196/541) bowled their best series as Stars and Strikers…good shooting—all of you!

Honorable Mention
This week saw at least thirty-three games over the 190 mark and yet only three 600 series—the fourth such occurrence of the season. Tossing the big games were Kay Currier (190), Seth Franklin (191), Marshall Monroe (193), and Jim Roberts (195), with the agonizingly close game of 199 rolled by Ralph Cummins, Greg Sherman, and Gary Velmire. The bigger games were rolled by Larry Garchow (200), Milt Meeds (202), Sue Stayrook (203), Lon Matthews (204), Richard Camper and Gary Chamberlin (205), Tony Kilbane (206), Aaron Austin (214), Bill Brown (215), Dick Noonan (225), and George Horne (248). Under the circumstances, I think everyone did very well!

What circumstances? Well, specifically, how ‘bout all of those #$&©% splits? Surely you must have seen them! Splits to the left of me…splits to the right…it was starting to look so hopeless that I was inclined to bend over and kiss my…

(Voice in the crowd) Point of order! Point of order! Before you continue, I’d like to make a point.

(League President) Well…this is highly irregular. I’m not even sure that we’re this formal in our meetings. But…oh well, this column can’t get any less entertaining. Go ahead.

(Voice in the crowd) My point exactly. I’d like some humor please.

(League President) I beg your pardon?

(Voice in the crowd) I’d like some humor please. I visit this blog faithfully every week and I would like to be made to laugh, please.

(League President) Every week?

(Voice in the crowd) Okay…I’ve been here twice—but I’d still like a chuckle, if you don’t mind.

(League President) Umm…as I stated earlier, I’ve been feeling under the weather…

(Voice in the crowd) What’s so funny about that?

(League President) Nothing. Then again, it’s not intended to amuse you. I can assure you that I will never again eat a peanut or a pistachio, whichever may be the culprit as it resulted in numerous visits to…well, let’s just say it was inconvenient.

(Voice in the crowd) Oh, I get it! Okay. That’s mildly amusing. Oooh…I’m starting to write my own mental script…now that’s funny! You should see what I just dreamt up…

(League President) Fine. Fine. Thanks for your input. May I continue with my commiseration about the splits?

(Voice in the crowd) Huh? Oh…yeah. But you’re still not…

…never mind.

Okay. I am banished to the nether regions of our league this evening (lanes 29 & 30) so, luckily for you, I will not get around too much. I hope that you’ve had a good week and wish you good fortune tonight. Until then…stay safe.